An Adventure in Birthing

Possible birthing scenarios, courtesy of my friends, as prophesied at my Baby Shower recently for PlusOne…

An Adventure in Birthing
Baby Shower Mad Lib Story

MeeA’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her shin. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the New York City and play to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she shout till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She quietly declined. She was sure it was time to go to the Tokyo and give birth to her bright baby.

Before leaving she called the Engineer and said she would be leaving right after she sang. Withinseven minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even ululate during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the scullery and saw her on her hands and knees gyrating he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the train and got everything ready.

The drive to the Tokyo was vicious. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the Engineer examined her. She was 568 cms dilated and the baby’s knee was right there. The Engineer suggested she try growing through a few contractions. It worked! Her teapot broke. 628 more pushes and a loud Damn! later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a handsome hipbone and 2 fingers and toes. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s toes and his mother’s heels. He weighed 6 pounds, 24 ounces and was 57 inches long.

Angel’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her calf. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the garage and scrub to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she caress till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She lovingly declined. She was sure it was time to go to the car and give birth to her ridiculous baby.

Before leaving she called the wrestler and said she would be leaving right after she touched. Within seven minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even stroke during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the kitchen and saw her on her hands and knees strolling he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the tractor and got everything ready.

The drive to the car was beautiful. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the wrestler examined her. She was 11 cms dilated and the baby’s shoulder was right there. The wrestler suggested she try shouting through a few contractions. It worked! Her balloon broke. 36 more pushes and a loud shite! later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with an ugly toe and 19 fingers and toes. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s finger tip and his mother’s knee. He weighed 12 pounds, 3 ounces and was 70 inches long.

Louisa’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her shin. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the shower and shoot to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she run till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She deliciously declined. She was sure it was time to go to the train station and give birth to her sticky baby.

Before leaving she called the dentist and said she would be leaving right after she ate. Within nine minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even laugh during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the bathroom and saw her on her hands and knees heaving he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the fire truck and got everything ready.

The drive to the train station was bright. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the dentist examined her. She was 2 cms dilated and the baby’s toe was right there. The dentist suggested she try singing through a few contractions. It worked! Her dog broke. 8 more pushes and a loud shit! later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a quickly nose and 13 fingers and toes. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s ears and his mother’s belly button. He weighed 200 pounds, 100,019 ounces and was 1 inch long.

FMIL’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her stomach. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the Eastleigh and sit to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she stand till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She hatefully declined. She was sure it was time to go to the baby room and give birth to her beautiful baby.

Before leaving she called the House Executive and said she would be leaving right after she stood. Within two minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even sleep during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the bedroom and saw her on her hands and knees yawning he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the Caravel and got everything ready.

The drive to the baby room was ugly. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the House Executive examined her. She was 6 cms dilated and the baby’s thigh was right there. The House Executive suggested she try clapping through a few contractions. It worked! Her doll broke. 12 more pushes and a loud wow later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a gorgeous breast and 8 fingers and toes. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s breast and his mother’s leg. He weighed 7 pounds, 10 ounces and was 11 inches long.

Totally Cooked’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her knee. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the Greenstone Mall and shop to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she sleep till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She carefully declined. She was sure it was time to go to the Exclusive Books and give birth to her clumsy baby.

Before leaving she called the waiter and said she would be leaving right after she hummed. Within two minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even rock during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the kitchen and saw her on her hands and knees jumping he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the Hummer and got everything ready.

The drive to the Exclusive Books was slippery. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the waiter examined her. She was 3 cms dilated and the baby’s fingers were right there. The waiter suggested she try sliding through a few contractions. It worked! Her pouff broke. 4 more pushes and a loud fork! later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a gentle elbow and 1 finger and toe. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s hips and his mother’s ankles. He weighed 5 pounds, 4 ounces and was 3 inches long.

Gina’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her elbow. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the house and run to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she roll till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She fast declined. She was sure it was time to go to the school and give birth to her small baby.

Before leaving she called the nurse and said she would be leaving right after she sat. Within ten minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even smile during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the lounge and saw her on her hands and knees baking he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the car and got everything ready.

The drive to the school was shiny. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the nurse examined her. She was 26 cms dilated and the baby’s leg was right there. The nurse suggested she try drawing through a few contractions. It worked! Her phone broke. 20 more pushes and a loud ow! later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a tiny toe and 6 fingers and toes. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s arm and his mother’s neck. He weighed 5 pounds, 100 ounces and was 68 inches long.

QueenOfComplex’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her tummy. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the home and run to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she panic till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She fast declined. She was sure it was time to go to the hospital and give birth to her ugly baby.

Before leaving she called the doctor and said she would be leaving right after she ran. Within two minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even sit during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the bedroom and saw her on her hands and knees sitting he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the car and got everything ready.

The drive to the hospital was blue. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the doctor examined her. She was 100 cms dilated and the baby’s back was right there. The doctor suggested she try running through a few contractions. It worked! Her bed broke. 5 more pushes and a loud eina! later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a big leg and 1 finger and toe. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s back and his mother’s tummy. He weighed 2 pounds, 5 ounces and was 7 inches long.

Forever BFF’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her neck. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the Spur and drink to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she sleep till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She walkingly declined. She was sure it was time to go to the car wash and give birth to her pretty baby.

Before leaving she called the domestic worker and said she would be leaving right after she rocked. Within four minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even sleep during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the bedroom and saw her on her hands and knees sleeping he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the BMW and got everything ready.

The drive to the car wash was ugly. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the domestic worker examined her. She was 22 cms dilated and the baby’s ear was right there. The domestic worker suggested she try swimming through a few contractions. It worked! Her stick broke. 13 more pushes and a loud shit! later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a long toe and 13 fingers and toes. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s lips and his mother’s leg. He weighed 42 pounds, 6 ounces and was 12 inches long.

FSIL2’s Story

Boobah’s Mom stopped everything she was doing when she felt a sudden painful contraction in her toe. Of course, the first thing she did was go to the toilet and rock to keep her mind off of the discomfort.

When the contractions became more frequent, The Dad suggested that she swallow till she knew for sure if she was in labor. She then declined. She was sure it was time to go to the shower and give birth to her ugly baby.

Before leaving she called the garbage disposal people and said she would be leaving right after she picked. Within 5 minutes of hanging up the phone, she was to the point where she could not even run during a contraction. When The Dad walked into the pool room and saw her on her hands and knees laughing he said “we are going NOW!” and quickly packed up the 4×4 and got everything ready.

The drive to the shower was disgusting. When Boobah’s Mom arrived, the garbage disposal people examined her. She was 2 cms dilated and the baby’s arm was right there. The garbage disposal people suggested she try throwing through a few contractions. It worked! Her toy broke. 10 more pushes and a loud scream later, the baby was born.

Baby PlusOne was so perfect, with a disgusting finger and 3 fingers and toes. Everyone noticed immediately that the baby had his father’s eye and his mother’s nose. He weighed 2 pounds, 4 ounces and was 6 inches long.